Smoke and Mirrors

By no means am I a wise woman. I have so much to learn in this life and I am trying to surround myself with those from whom I can glean good, useful and effective life strategies. This is my strategy for unlocking those little secrets that life holds from those who are not looking closely enough. I am attempting to drink deeply from the fountain of life. Nonetheless, wisdom comes with age and although I am getting old, I hope to grow much, much older and infinitely more wise.

Despite my vast ignorance, there is one thing that I am sure of. I am absolutely sure that things are not always what they seem. Recently, there were three cardinal events that have again brought this piece of knowledge to the forefront of my little mind. The first was a morning, about 2 months ago when I was preparing to go running with a dear friend. Because her husband was out of town, Jason had agreed to watch her children, as well as ours (6 total) for the 45 minutes that it takes us to run our route. As she arrived, Jason and I were having a heated debate (aka argument) about an event that made me seriously question his understanding of me as a person. In other words, I was seriously angry with him and we were at an impasse as to a resolution. Obviously, my poor friend was uncomfortable with the situation she had walked into. There was no question that tension was thick in the DeWitt kitchen. I quickly got the last word in on the heated debate and we left for our run. Because I was so angry, I started to spill the beans on what we had been arguing about. I'm sure that very, very few people have ever heard me speak about my husband in the manner I was speaking that morning. Perhaps, I have never spoken about him like that before in our lives together. Again, I was furious...and extremely hurt. The details of the fight are unimportant and the resolution was less than 12 hours from the point of this morning run. The important thing is the fact that my friend looked a bit surprised that the DeWitt house held such angry, hurt feelings. That our marriage had cracks like so many others, especially that the cracks could show so suddenly. My words to her were the following, "I know you think we look good from the outside." Her response, "You guys look great from the outside." This is no secret. We look unbreakable on the outside. The fact is, life is stressful and overwhelming. Marriage can be a casualty of the daily stressors that wear on us. Even Jason and I. Even us. I think my friend took a bit of comfort in our "imperfections" that day. I took comfort in having a friend that I could be so honest with. The reality is, we are imperfect human beings and we cannot create a perfect union. Perfect unions are not what they seem. Many things are not as they seem.

The second cardinal event has to do with my interest in photography. Recently, Jason volunteered me to assist a professional photographer at a wedding. Despite my nervousness and lack of confidence in my abilities, I went through with it. As a side note, it was a wonderful, wonderful experience and I am so thankful to the gifted Sarah (shameless plug) for her graciousness in putting up with my novice self. Anyway, back to the story. Because I did not have a fancy wedding, I did not have a fancy (or talented) wedding photographer. Therefore, when looking at beautiful pictures from weddings shot by lifestyle photographers, I am always amazed at how they catch "those moments." You know the ones; they are dripping with emotion and stun the eye. The ones where love is literally pouring out of the picture and you are struck by the beauty. So, of course I must ask Sarah is she really "gets" that moment or if it is posed. Her response, "so much of it is staged." Boom. Again, it hits me that I am so naive. That I often believe (or am fooled by) what is in front of me. I often fall for the surface of things, hook line and sinker. This tidbit of information from Sarah was golden--if much of what I see is staged, well then, maybe I can stage it. Maybe I can take these photos as well. Follow this epiphany up with another nugget from my insanely talented photographer friend Andrea (shameless plug) on how photoshop is part of the reason her photos are so incredibly sophisticated. At this point, I am starting to realize that this hobby (and love) of mine is part photography, part photoshop, part experience. Viewed in this way, I realize again that things are not always what they seem. That the finished product is not equal to the rough draft. To me, this makes the possibilities endless. With these 3 tools, I could work my way (albeit slowly) toward what Sarah and Andrea have mastered.

The final, comical event that solidified this nugget of wisdom in my head occurred this past weekend. Since I moved to Indiana in 2002, Jason and I have been going to Stony Creek Farms in Noblesville, IN each fall to visit their pumpkin patch. When we went in 2002, it was just the two of us lovebirds. It's one of those date things that couples in love have to do. You know, like go to the zoo or the children's museum. Or to see a Disney movie. It's cheesy and only the two of you understand that really its a scouting trip. You know, for the future. For when you have a family. We have returned each year with more and more kids in tow to this wonderful place. We have pumpkin patches in Lafayette. They are just no match for the Stony Creek. Each year, there are beautiful orange pumpkins of every shape and size, each more beautiful than the next. The sky is always a gorgeous blue and the white clouds and surrounding greenery are almost more beautiful than I can bear. I look forward to this trip, it is a highlight each and every year. This year we sat in the back of the hayride, the five DeWitts' in a fall state of mind, wondering if life could be any better. And once again, I am reminded that things are not always what they seem. Just out of view, I see a large pile of enormous broken down boxes. I can just make out the orange drawing of a pumpkin on the side of the box. I look toward the "pumpkin patch" and realize that all of the pumpkins are completely and utterly....uniform. They are all medium size, orange pumpkins. And they have been scattered to appear as though they had grown on the vines. Friends- things are not what they seem. These damn pumpkins were imported! It was a big stage! A set up. I cracked the hell up. It was like a giant sign to remind me that in life, you need to look a little deeper and think a bit more critically. That you cannot judge a book by its cover and that first impressions can be misleading. A reminder that my search for wisdom has barely begun.