We have worked hard to prepare our family for this new addition. We started the internal family renovations the week we found out about our new DeWitty and have found, in the last couple of weeks, that some of our efforts have been successful. Maybe the kids have grown up. Maybe they were ready to be more responsible. Maybe we realized that things could be much more organized, streamlined, and efficient. Maybe all of the above. I think one of the misguided notions that I had about being a stay-at-home-mom is that I am to be and do all things to and for my children. FALSE. I think I stifled them slightly by taking the easy way out when allowing them to allow me to do everything for them. It struck me, in the process of internal family renovation that they were essentially useless around the house. My fault. I simply found it easier to do everything for them and then play the martyr. In doing so, I created 3 dependent monsters. It hit me hard one morning in this process when my 8-year old came downstairs in the morning (after dressing herself in the clothes I had set out for her) and sat down at the dining table, waiting for her breakfast to be served to her (on the hypothetical silver platter, with the silver spoon). I looked at her and got a little testy, "What are you waiting for, princess?" "Breakfast" she replied. Really? I try not to brag about my daughter so forgive me for saying that she is really bright. This is no joke. She is in a high ability classroom and has mastered the work. Her powers of logic and deduction are fantastic. Her memory is impeccable. She reads at nearly an 8th grade level. She can get her own damn cereal. And I told her so. And she did. Now we are working on lunch (toasting a bagel is not that complex). I realize that there is a nurturing aspect to preparing food for your child. I'll nurture her at dinner. After she sets the table.
Another sad situation that I am embarrassed to admit, is the little fact that I have been dressing my 5-year-old to save time in the morning. Mommy fail. Girlfriend can dress her damn self. I just want her to hurry up. And she wants to be 2. So she lets me do all the work. And I let her let me. Seriously? That jig is up. It's not like she hasn't been playing dress up and dressing herself in princess attire since before she turned 2. Sadly enough, I was also dressing my 3-year-old.....and picking all of their clothes. No more. They pick their own clothes and put them on their own bodies. Just like nature intended. Additionally, they pick up their own clothes and take them to the laundry room and sort them. They vacuum. They clear the dinner table. They clean their room (all 3 sleep in one room, therefore confining the mess to a small area). They can and do shower by themselves. They put their dishes in the dishwasher. They get their own snacks and drinks. The buckle their own seat belts. They carry their belongings into and out of school. They do a lot of things that I felt guilty for expecting them to do 7 months ago. My guilt was allowing them to avoid being responsible for themselves. Sad.
The fact is, impending fourth time mommy hood has allowed me to do some soul-searching that was much needed. I used to be pretty angry at the members of my family for expecting me to do everything for them. I now realize that they were simply following my lead. I am so much less stressed now. I am also proud of them when they take initiative and complete a task without being asked. I recently read an article about instilling personal responsibility in children. The author was clear in stating that not allowing kids to learn to take responsibility for themselves at home is just as bad as not letting them learn at school. Although a bit dramatic, there is some truth to this comparison. It's pretty unfair to avoid teaching children how to take care of themselves and then turning them loose into society. How would they function? What kind of annoying burden would they pose to their future partner? Who would they latch onto because they were unable to figure out how to navigate their daily needs? Scary stuff, if you ask me.
Well, our period of extreme internal renovation is coming to end, as dictated by the upcoming birth of DeWitty #6. However, I have learned some important lessons and the kids are much more prepared to be without Mommy's help. I won't be much use to them anyway when I haven't slept through the night forever and have infant strapped to my bosom. I'll keep you updated on how they fare.
