I kind of wonder about my honesty in blogging. I have been talking about my family and our misadventures with love and excitement. As I reread my posts, I am sure that they are fairly honest and straightforward. Of course, I am relaying the stories after the fact. Oftentimes, the things that I am writing about do not come from a place of warmth and happiness. Many times, I am taking a new perspective on a situation that is resolved and that I can laugh at. The fact is, I want to be more candid about my experiences as a parent. Parenting is not always the picture that you see from the outside when a hip mom walks by with her cute children and handsome husband. There is a story there. A story that you do not see which includes tears, stress, pain and exhaustion. I am not trying to be Debbie-downer and I would never discount the fact that parenting is often joyous and a fantastic experience for those who choose it. Nonetheless, it is often quite difficult and I am going to force myself to write more candidly about the difficult experiences. I am choosing to take this candid approach because there is no greater comfort than when I am speaking with another mom and we can both "admit" feelings that we have about our parenting experiences that cause guilt, anxiety and shame. This all hit me this past weekend while I was running with a great pal of mine. She was telling me about a friend of hers who she feels is very honest about the ups and downs of parenting. Her defining comment on the subject was, "when we hang up the phone after talking, we both feel better." She claims they feel better because they have both come clean about some less than ideal thoughts or feelings they might have had regarding family life. It's definitely a bit of "misery loves company" when we talk to another parent who shares our struggles. Finally, I can't help but give credit to my husband when I talk about being more candid. He is candid. I love it. He says stuff that others only think and we both laugh our butts off at how awful we must sound. Whatever. I'll take it.
Next candid post: Taking care of a newborn.....
DCS is reading avidly, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteParenting can be hard. Everyone will tell you this. But they won't tell you much more than this. I'm not sure of the specific reasons why people will dwell on the ups of parenting but breeze over the downs. For my part, it's because I generally assume everyone has problems of their own; they don't need to hear mine. I guess this assumption could contribute to the feeling of isolation a person might get if they start thinking they're the only one experiencing problems.
Being a parent--and doing it thoughtfully and what one deems to be in the correct manner--is the hardest thing ever. There is nothing easy about it. Sure, you may get rewarded with hugs and smiles, but while those are wonderful, they just really don't make up for the 20hrs/day we spend doing something for or about our children. I feel like I have a little bump upward and then a huge cavernous downward spiral in my ups and downs of parenting. It really ain't pretty, and anyone who thinks it is is most likely on drugs (and should share).
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty!