Wherein I Stray from the Original Topic

I remember being a child, and the Cleveland summers spent at the pool, having lemonade stands, and playing in my neighborhood. When we were quite young, we had a babysitter. After a couple summers of supervision, my brother and I were on our own and we faired pretty well. I do not remember having my summer structured to the point that down time was a luxury. Structure was something reserved for the school year. I remember days being long and bright and full of self-entertainment. Now is the point in this post when I start to question (complain) the pressure I feel to have my children involved in so many activities that our summer schedule starts to resemble our school schedule, except for the fact that it costs more. I ask all my mommy buddies about what their children will do this summer. We share information about various camps- drama camp, Wolf Park Camp, swimming lessons, Girls Scout Camp, tennis lessons, YMCA camp, pottery camp, basketball camp. The possibilities are endless. So are the costs. It occurred to me that my parents barely had me in any structured activities in the summer aside from swimming lessons. Interestingly, I'm fairly certain that they had me in swimming so that they could drop me off at the pool or beach and be confident that I would not drown. No babysitter included. I entertained myself. My children are young, yes. They require supervision. The fact is, I am concerned that this need to constantly structure my children's time is resulting in them expecting me to entertain them...indoors and out. They need a darn instructor/teacher to give them details on the next event in their lives.

I wonder if I chose to opt out of structured activities for the summer (and the school year, for that matter), if my children would find a sense of freedom and joy in their daily activities that they are so far, unfamiliar with. I wonder if they would find long days full of sunshine where friends and trees and bugs are enough. Where they do not need a coach or a camp counselor or a teacher or even a hovering parent. Where their imagination does all the work. I wonder if I could find it within myself to not feel as though I am cheating my child by not involving them in every opportunity that comes their way. I wonder if I could swallow the guilt I inevitably feel when I learn that Little Johnny and Sallie Sue are taking such and such a lesson and thriving because of them, while my children are hanging in the backyard and playing freeze tag. I wonder if I can accept that I cannot give my children everything.

I fully realize that this pressure is in my head. Clearly, I have control of what my children are involved in. Regardless, "mommy guilt" creeps up on me and I have to weigh all of my options. When the weighing is over and I come to brass tacks on this particular brand of guilt, I have to opt in. At least in moderation. If I kept them in the house with me and left them to their own devices for the two and a half-month duration of summer, I would surely lose my mind. And that folks, is why there are so many option for children in the summer.

Mother's Day- The Unorthodox Edition

Mother's day 2011 has come and gone, and the memories are pure joy and splendor. Before you start thinking that I'm going to recount moments of pleasure in seeing my children's handmade cards, or the excitement of opening my new Kate Spade purse, let me be clear on how I spent mother's day this year: I was able to complete a project, from beginning to end without interruptions of any kind. Yes folks, I mulched my front and side yards. They look awesome. Additionally, I spent time with my husband. The reason I was able to complete such tasks? My kids were not home. Nope. I didn't see them from 2pm Saturday until 6pm Sunday. And that was fine with me. A mother's day well spent.

I know some more traditional moms may be gasping in horror at my total lack of interest in spending mother's day with those who gave me the title to begin with. I don't care. Let's be honest- every day is mother's day at my house. I spend A LOT of time with my kids. I do not work outside the home. I feel their love every day. I can only hope that they feel mine. Dressing up and heading to the country club (or Cracker Barrel or Red Lobster) for Mother's Day brunch does not do it for me. I'll take some time to accomplish necessary tasks and talk to my husband. It is due to him that I have these wonderful offspring. Why not enjoy some time of reflection with him? (And mulch the yard, of course.)

And reflect we did. On a real date on Saturday night. In Indianapolis. With sushi. And wine. And immature behavior at Starbucks while eating dessert (aka coffee so that we wouldn't fall asleep on the drive home). We held hands. We texted while sitting at the same table, about the people around us. On Sunday, we ran a loop around Purdue together, followed by eating bagels in silence; all the while drinking coffee and reading USA Today at Einstein's. And later, what a pleasure it was to look at my freshly mulched yard from across the street, as I stood next to my husband and talked about future projects to spruce up the homestead. Of course, we'll have to see if the in-laws will watch the kids over Father's Day weekend if we really want to accomplish any of those plans.

Discussions of the Utmost Importance

To break up the monotony of my annoying pseudo-philosophical ramblings, I decided to make a short list of things that have come from the mouths of my children. Please feel free to comment with hilarity from your own home.

1. Sawyer: (motioning to larger chair among regular sized chairs in the Dr.'s waiting room) Mom, why are these chairs so big?

Me: I think they're for people who have bigger booties.

Sawyer: The girl who cleans my teeth at the dentist's office has a big booty. (Whispering in a low, deep voice) It's really big.

2. Eamon: I have a penis like Sawyer has.

Me: Sawyer does not have a penis.

Eamon: Sawyer has a girl penis.

Me: It's called a vagina.

3. Eamon: Mama! Look at my penis!

Me: No thank you, son.

4. Sawyer: Mama! Eamon stuck his finger in his butt and then ate carrots!

Me: Eamon, go wash your hands.

Sawyer: Mama, is that disgusting?

Me: Uh, yeah.

5. Madeline: (With due sympathy) Mommy, why are your boobs so small?

Me: Some bodies have big boobs, some have small boobs.

Madeline: Yours are really small (now very sympathetic).

Me: Your chances of having big ones depends solely on your Nana's genetic influence.

6. Madeline: (After reading The Care and Keeping of You- a book on puberty) Mom, what stage of breast development are you in?

Me: Post-lactation.

Madeline: That's not listed in the book.

7. Me: Madeline, you look one of the contestants on fear factor when you eat green beans.

Madeline: I know that show, it's the one where they make you eat moose penis.

Me: Yes, yes it is.

Madeline: I saw it at Uncle Max's house.

8. Me: (As I begin to play the song on Youtube) Sawyer, are you singing "What a Wonderful World" in music class?

Sawyer: I don't want to hear that song Mama! It makes me cry on the inside.

Me: Sawyer, that is why people love that song, it makes us all cry a little bit on the inside.

9. (As she is about to be disowned from our family for whining and terrible behavior) Sawyer: Mom! Look at that balloon! (Points to the sky as a balloon floats high in the air) It's going to see Grandma Phyllis. (Great Grandma Phyllis passed in February.)

10. Eamon (To every woman who looks a day older than I): Hi Grandma! Mama! That's a Grandma!

We're pretty open in the DeWitt house. We don't use euphemisms for taboo body parts or bodily functions. My husband is even a bit creeped out by how brutally honest I will be with our children. The fact is, I'm fairly certain that our open discussions will lead to our children hearing the truth from Jason and I, and not on the school bus. Our openness is especially fun when put into action with my parents. Here are two final examples of our children making my parents super uncomfortable at meal times:

11. Sawyer: (As she and my mother eat breakfast) Grandma, you have a vagina and Pop-Pop has a penis. Mommy and Madda have vaginas too. Daddy and Eamon have penises too.

My mother: (Clearly incredibly uncomfortable) Sawyer, eat your cereal.

12. Eamon: (As he walks into the dining room with a spoon on Easter Sunday) I'm gonna put this Elmo spoon on my penis.

Jason and I: laughing our asses off.

Madeline and Sawyer: Cracking up.

My mom and stepdad: Red as lobsters.

Maybe my training as a social worker has led me to take this honesty thing a bit too far......

And The Door Closes...

The day after tomorrow, I will be 36 years old. I'm not sure when it happened that I became 50% older than 18, or how it is now a reality that I have been an "adult" for half of my life. The fact is, the evidence is here and I am now heading toward 40 faster than Clark Griwold on a sled after he lubed it up with cooking spray. I can see the big 4-0 in front of me and it is growing more clear by the minute.

As I head toward 40, I see doors closing all around me. I am walking down the hall of my 30's and things are changing. I am starting to see the upside of cosmetic surgery. My hair is at least 30% gray, and I could not go without coloring it. My stylist suggested to me that I needed to wear more make up. I have a daughter who will be in 3rd grade next year. I got a water softener for my birthday. (I would have liked to have a new freezer, maybe next year.) I see mothers at preschool and elementary drop off who are clearly much younger than I. Mothers who are pushing strollers look like high school students. It crosses my mind that they just might be high-schoolers; until I see them walking with their husbands and piling into a mini-van. I am getting older. I am not getting old. Just older. If I were to become pregnant today, I would be considered AMA-Advanced Maternal Age. I would not give birth until the tail end of 36, and I would be 72 when this non-existent child turned 36. Thoughts like these put things into perspective.

As I head toward 40, I see doors opening. Inside of one door, I see a time when I will be able to enjoy the company of my husband without feeling like we are more of a tag-team wrestling duo than a married couple. Inside another door, I see my children dressing themselves and eating a snack which they acquired for themselves. Inside a far off door, I see my new identity forming and I like the person who walks out of that door.

People groan at the thought of becoming older. We're all a bit scared of what we will see when we get over the proverbial "hill." I think a bit of forethought can make for a fabulous walk down the halls of life. A bit of endurance training can make those hills not only manageable, but exciting. As far as I can tell, I'm not even half way through this marathon called life and I refuse to give up now. I probably won't even start to sprint until the last 10k. Bring it on.

Disney Breakdown Pt. 2: The Dark Side

The fact is, while I was at Disney World, I loved it. I was able to look the other way, suspend judgment and pretend that the evil empire of Disney was not at odds with my personal philosophy. Maybe that is why it took me 4 days to recover from my own personal Disney hangover. I was detoxing from the Kool-Aid. Recovering from Disney's constant self-promotion. Rehabilitating from the overwhelming stimulation of the environment.

Because Jason and I grew up in very modest households that could never have afforded us a family trip to Disney World, we were constantly reminding our children about how fortunate they were to be a part of our recent family vacation. Of course, Eamon is two and has no understanding of "gratitude." Sawyer was able to understand that this trip was a treat, but may have only been taking cues from her older sister. Madeline was a model citizen at Disney. She seemed to appreciate (in her 7-yr old way) her good fortune in visiting "the happiest place on earth" and was grateful for all of her experiences and the few things she was able to bring home (most of it free junk).

Interestingly, Madeline repeatedly commented that she wished it were free for everyone to go to Disney World. Let's be honest folks, Disney is not in the business of losing money. They are raking cash in HAND OVER FIST. All day, there were opportunities to buy, buy, buy and BUY. Putting your wallet away at Disney is an act of futility. The only reason to put your wallet back in your purse is for the arm exercise involved in once again extracting it to purchase more self promotion.

I can't stop thinking about the environmental impact of an operation like Disney World. While at Epcot and The Animal Kingdom (AK), I was impressed with some of the efforts to minimize the carbon mouseprint and educate the public on ways to do the same. Unfortunately, many of the practices at ALL of the parks are so inconsistent with the message of conservation and sustainability that I continue to be sick to my stomach. I appreciated the fact that Disney offers carrots and grapes as side dishes with all of their kids meals. Unfortunately, all of those carrots and grapes are prepackaged in a small plastic bag (and have been sprayed with who know what to maximize freshness). Multiply the number of those bags used on any given day by 365 and you have a major problem. At Epcot and AK, you can easily find a recycling bin for your Dasani and Coke bottles (which Disney provides at meals). At The Magic Kingdom or Disney's Hollywood Studios (DHS), you might have to walk across the park. Seriously, is it that hard to strategically place recycling cans? Additionally, I have to wonder about the fireworks display that Disney presents each and every night of the year. Maybe Disney uses eco-friendly fireworks. If they do, I commend them. If not, we have another disaster on our hands. The fact is, I haven't even started on the sheer volume of buses, trams, boats, and rides that are sure to make the carbon mouseprint of Disney World the greatest I have ever witnessed. I have to believe that Disney has it's own landfill...and that it is close to full. As I said, Disney doesn't scrimp and they are not in the business of losing money.

As I stood in various lines during our trip, I had to stop myself from thinking about the economics of Disney World. I wondered how much they pay the ride operators, the dancers or the housekeeping staff. I had to wonder what it must cost to run the place each day. For that matter, how much must it cost to run per year? On the flip side, I was even more curious about the profit of such a place. Leave it to me to google these numbers. They are out there. I will leave it to you to check out. The numbers are astounding. If it gives you any insight into my findings, I am shocked at how pleasant and helpful the "cast members" are.

So there I go again, ruining a perfectly good time. I know. I should just take it at face value and appreciate the fact that I was fortunate enough to take my family to Disney World. I wish I could glaze over when I see that a college educated 20-something is working the Dumbo ride in Fantasyland (and making 7-something per hour). I wish that $3.95 seemed reasonable for a Mickey-shaped ice cream full of preservatives, that was made by people making minimum wage. I wish I was philosophically able to pay $50.00 to let my girls get their hair "done" like a princess. The fact is, I can't contribute because it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Disney is magical. Our family bonded, laughed, gawked, smiled and cried at the amazing moments we encountered. We all loved the place. For us however, it a sometimes thing (a DeWitt-ism). We will probably visit Disney again. In about 10 years. There is no doubt that we will all experience the magic again. We will bond over new, more grown-up experiences when we take our children there as tweens and teens. The fact is, I will have to suspend judgment again. I will come home and need to detox again. I will still have moral objections. Still, I will return. I'm not so integrity driven that I will refuse to set foot in the place! Come on. See you in 2021 Mickey!

Disney Breakdown

This morning, as Jason got ready for work, he was looking rough. Diagnosis? Disney hangover. We arrived home late last night from our family trip to Disney World. Today I feel as though I was hit by a truck. That truck was driven by a mouse in red shorts. As many who I see often know, I was the least excited person ever to book a trip to Disney. The thought of what we were going to encounter in terms of crowds, meltdowns, heat, and cost was enough to give me a panic attack.

I planned this trip more than 6 months ago and had to enlist the help of a travel agent. (She rocked) I truly had no understanding of anything related to Disney World. I didn't even know the names of the parks, outside of Epcot. (Of course, I knew of Epcot because I was 8, and a Michael Jackson fan in 1982 when the place opened.) I honestly didn't even have a working knowledge of the fact that the place where Cinderella's castle is located is called "The Magic Kingdom." I had never heard of "Disney's Hollywood Studios" and I knew little to nothing of "The Animal Kingdom." If you ask me a question about "The Walt Disney World Resort" (I love using quotes to emphasize) now, I could probably answer it with the utmost accuracy and a give a tip to boot.

Because I am type-A, I had to go a bit overboard in the planning of this trip. A friend told me about The Unofficial Guide - Walt Disney World and of the touring plans the book provides. (See touringplans.com if you are interested) The idea of showing up at Disney World with no plan is more than enough to make me start sweating and to get my heart pounding. We showed up with a plan, and then some. What I found was that the touring plans worked, I didn't mind the crowds, and I liked Disney World. I drank the Kool-Aid. Our family had a magical time. On a side note, I have several moral objections to some of the practices and will address them in another blog. Look for the title, "The Dark Side of Disney."

If there is one thing to report, Disney does not scrimp on anything. I cannot imagine the resources necessary to operate this place on a daily basis. The Animal Kingdom has a safari ride that had our mouths gaping open. The animals roam free in a African savanna. Madeline nearly touched a rhinoceros as our car passed. I saw more elephants than in all the zoos I have ever visited added together. An ostrich passed us after checking on it's giant eggs. The practices at this park that educate its guests are outstanding, and I commend the recycling program and use of paper straws. Our kids liked this park however, after the major attractions, they were ready to leave and go swimming. Jason and I loved it and the meal we had was great. We had pulled pork sandwiches at The Flame Tree Barbecue and Jason was a bit annoyed that Disney can mass produce better pulled pork than he can make in his backyard smoker.

Epcot is a phenomenon. (The 1982 in me refers to it as "Epcot Center" but I don't think that is the preferred nomenclature.) Again, the focus on the environment and education of guests is outstanding. Our kids preferred Epcot, although we saw so little of it that I feel I can't really make an assessment of the place. The grounds are beautiful and the Finding Nemo ride was a favorite with our young children. Probably the most impressive experience of my trip was on Soarin' at Epcot. This ride puts you in a simulated hang glider and "flies" you through the diverse terrain of California. The medium providing the experience is an Imax-type screen, coupled with wind machines and various scents designed to heighten the experience. It was exhilarating. There was so much to do inside at Epcot. It would be a great place to go on a rainy day.

On the rainiest day of the year, we went to Disney's Hollywood Studios. It literally did not stop raining for the 7 hours that we toughed it out at this park. I'm not sure that I could report what the place looked like. Because of my poncho, I did not have peripheral vision and the rain obscured my view of everything. We went on Toy Story Mania and it was an all-around hit. Jason was especially proud of his score on this 3-D shooting game based on the movie. I would love to return to this park someday and see what it looks like. Most of it is such a blur and this is my one regret about this trip.

Finally, on the two final days, we went to The Magic Kingdom. Because we knew that our kids would like this place best, we took them there last. The other parks would have been a significant let-down to them. (This was only a hypothesis of mine in the beginning however, it was proven by their not asking if we could leave and go swimming 100 times like at all the other places.)

It is surprising how hard this place is to access. You can't even park at The Magic Kingdom. Instead, you must park in a lot and then take a tram to a train; finally arriving with droves of other mouse worshipping suckers. We made that mistake only once, and decided to take the boat from our resort on our second day. The Magic Kingdom is truly larger than life. The jaw-dropping moments never end. Cinderella's castle is a sight to behold. I could feel myself tearing up while my children jumped up and down and had their pictures taken in front of this iconic sight. It took 2 days to see this park and we saw it all. As I write, I get teary-eyed just thinking how much fun our kids had. The "cast members" call little girls "princess" and despite my personal objections to encouraging princess-like behavior, our girls were so tickled each and every time it happened, that I have to smile when I think of it. Additionally, Eamon was repeatedly called "space ranger" and given a salute. Hilarious. On our final day, the girls dressed in their princess get-ups and were called by their "princess" names. We rode nearly every ride and saw nearly every show. We stayed late on this last day and saw the fireworks. They were spectacular. Eamon, who had never before seen fireworks, was in awe and was unable to stop saying, "Mama, I like that!"

I am so grateful that we were able to take our kids on this vacation. We had so many funny and memorable moments. Jason and I were surely just as enamored by the Disney magic as our children. The place is just unreal. The money that you spend is worth it. Disney is not trying to cheat you out of anything. They give you an experience that you will remember. My greatest tip to those planning to visit this larger than life place is to PLAN AHEAD. Disney preys on those who have not. Bring everything you can with you and you will save a fortune. Practice saying no to your children as soon as you book you trip. Let them know in advance what kind of souvenir they can expect to bring home. For that matter, stay out of the gift shops all together. There is much more to Disney than shopping. Finally, expect to come home with the biggest hangover you can imagine. The Disney Hangover.

Smoke and Mirrors

By no means am I a wise woman. I have so much to learn in this life and I am trying to surround myself with those from whom I can glean good, useful and effective life strategies. This is my strategy for unlocking those little secrets that life holds from those who are not looking closely enough. I am attempting to drink deeply from the fountain of life. Nonetheless, wisdom comes with age and although I am getting old, I hope to grow much, much older and infinitely more wise.

Despite my vast ignorance, there is one thing that I am sure of. I am absolutely sure that things are not always what they seem. Recently, there were three cardinal events that have again brought this piece of knowledge to the forefront of my little mind. The first was a morning, about 2 months ago when I was preparing to go running with a dear friend. Because her husband was out of town, Jason had agreed to watch her children, as well as ours (6 total) for the 45 minutes that it takes us to run our route. As she arrived, Jason and I were having a heated debate (aka argument) about an event that made me seriously question his understanding of me as a person. In other words, I was seriously angry with him and we were at an impasse as to a resolution. Obviously, my poor friend was uncomfortable with the situation she had walked into. There was no question that tension was thick in the DeWitt kitchen. I quickly got the last word in on the heated debate and we left for our run. Because I was so angry, I started to spill the beans on what we had been arguing about. I'm sure that very, very few people have ever heard me speak about my husband in the manner I was speaking that morning. Perhaps, I have never spoken about him like that before in our lives together. Again, I was furious...and extremely hurt. The details of the fight are unimportant and the resolution was less than 12 hours from the point of this morning run. The important thing is the fact that my friend looked a bit surprised that the DeWitt house held such angry, hurt feelings. That our marriage had cracks like so many others, especially that the cracks could show so suddenly. My words to her were the following, "I know you think we look good from the outside." Her response, "You guys look great from the outside." This is no secret. We look unbreakable on the outside. The fact is, life is stressful and overwhelming. Marriage can be a casualty of the daily stressors that wear on us. Even Jason and I. Even us. I think my friend took a bit of comfort in our "imperfections" that day. I took comfort in having a friend that I could be so honest with. The reality is, we are imperfect human beings and we cannot create a perfect union. Perfect unions are not what they seem. Many things are not as they seem.

The second cardinal event has to do with my interest in photography. Recently, Jason volunteered me to assist a professional photographer at a wedding. Despite my nervousness and lack of confidence in my abilities, I went through with it. As a side note, it was a wonderful, wonderful experience and I am so thankful to the gifted Sarah (shameless plug) for her graciousness in putting up with my novice self. Anyway, back to the story. Because I did not have a fancy wedding, I did not have a fancy (or talented) wedding photographer. Therefore, when looking at beautiful pictures from weddings shot by lifestyle photographers, I am always amazed at how they catch "those moments." You know the ones; they are dripping with emotion and stun the eye. The ones where love is literally pouring out of the picture and you are struck by the beauty. So, of course I must ask Sarah is she really "gets" that moment or if it is posed. Her response, "so much of it is staged." Boom. Again, it hits me that I am so naive. That I often believe (or am fooled by) what is in front of me. I often fall for the surface of things, hook line and sinker. This tidbit of information from Sarah was golden--if much of what I see is staged, well then, maybe I can stage it. Maybe I can take these photos as well. Follow this epiphany up with another nugget from my insanely talented photographer friend Andrea (shameless plug) on how photoshop is part of the reason her photos are so incredibly sophisticated. At this point, I am starting to realize that this hobby (and love) of mine is part photography, part photoshop, part experience. Viewed in this way, I realize again that things are not always what they seem. That the finished product is not equal to the rough draft. To me, this makes the possibilities endless. With these 3 tools, I could work my way (albeit slowly) toward what Sarah and Andrea have mastered.

The final, comical event that solidified this nugget of wisdom in my head occurred this past weekend. Since I moved to Indiana in 2002, Jason and I have been going to Stony Creek Farms in Noblesville, IN each fall to visit their pumpkin patch. When we went in 2002, it was just the two of us lovebirds. It's one of those date things that couples in love have to do. You know, like go to the zoo or the children's museum. Or to see a Disney movie. It's cheesy and only the two of you understand that really its a scouting trip. You know, for the future. For when you have a family. We have returned each year with more and more kids in tow to this wonderful place. We have pumpkin patches in Lafayette. They are just no match for the Stony Creek. Each year, there are beautiful orange pumpkins of every shape and size, each more beautiful than the next. The sky is always a gorgeous blue and the white clouds and surrounding greenery are almost more beautiful than I can bear. I look forward to this trip, it is a highlight each and every year. This year we sat in the back of the hayride, the five DeWitts' in a fall state of mind, wondering if life could be any better. And once again, I am reminded that things are not always what they seem. Just out of view, I see a large pile of enormous broken down boxes. I can just make out the orange drawing of a pumpkin on the side of the box. I look toward the "pumpkin patch" and realize that all of the pumpkins are completely and utterly....uniform. They are all medium size, orange pumpkins. And they have been scattered to appear as though they had grown on the vines. Friends- things are not what they seem. These damn pumpkins were imported! It was a big stage! A set up. I cracked the hell up. It was like a giant sign to remind me that in life, you need to look a little deeper and think a bit more critically. That you cannot judge a book by its cover and that first impressions can be misleading. A reminder that my search for wisdom has barely begun.