Commitments

Somewhere between 8pm when the kids have gone to sleep and 11pm when I am headed in the same direction, I tend to do an analysis of the day. I wonder how well I parented my children. I wonder if I paid any attention at all to my loving husband, or to our super-cool relationship. I wonder if I was kind to others that I came into contact with throughout the day. The list of things included in this analysis can even branch into how well I ate and what I fed my family. I take note of whether I exercised, wrote or took pictures (my favorite extra-curriculars). After this lengthy (and often guilt-ridden) analysis is over, I start to make commitments to myself about the following days and weeks. Generally, I promise myself that I will be more patient, loving and kind to my kids and husband and that I will focus on building them up, rather than tearing them down. The fact is, during my day, I am constantly in a hurry to do the next "important" thing. Often, in this attempt to accomplish more things than necessary, I fail to do what is really important(see italicized commitment above). It has come to my attention that I make this mistake almost daily. So today, I declare for all (well, all 4-5 of my readers) my commitments to myself and to this adorable family of mine:
1. I hope to be more patient.
2. I hope to be kind, in an attempt to build people up.
3. I WILL stop feeding my kids so many processed foods.
4. I hope to decrease obsessive cleaning/organizing in favor of quality time with my family.
5. I hope to read more.
6. I hope to learn more.
7. I hope to pick my battles.
8. I hope to bite my tongue.
9. I WILL SWALLOW MY PRIDE.
10. I hope to be a good friend.

This is a tall order, yet a very simple list. I'm not sure where I will start. Maybe I'll start by eating some (all) of those Girl Scout Cookies in the pantry so as not to taint my children with all of that processed poison. Hey, at least I have a place to begin when the analysis starts tonight.

Things That Are Not Overrated

Last weekend, nearly 7 years into my marriage, I went on my honeymoon. Now, don't get too jealous, it was not a traditional honeymoon. There was no tropical scenery, there was no cabana on the beach. There were no long walks hand-in-hand in the sand. This was an unconventional honeymoon in every sense. The most unconventional part of this excursion was the fact that my husband was not really with me for the majority of the trip. He was sequestered in our hotel room, studying for the board exam we went to Dallas, Texas for him to take. We arrived on Friday early in the afternoon and I was on my own until his test was completed on Sunday afternoon. Don't get me wrong, I really couldn't have cared less. I was free. I had no children; no one to take care of except myself, and that is all the vacation I needed.

I went running, shopping, and out to eat by myself. I took naps and read some chic-lit. Complete selfishness. I ate high-calorie foods and drank alcoholic beverages in the middle of the day. It was blissful. The day before we were set to return home to Indiana, my husband completed his test and was ready to join the already in-progress honeymoon. Ironically enough, that was Valentine's Day. We went to a museum and out to eat at a very grown-up restaurant. (You know, the kind where there is no kids menu.) It was wonderful. We talked and laughed and got to know each other as married adults, rather than parents. Despite the fact that we love them, we did not really talk about our children(during that meal). We again realized that we have so much in common and had a lot of other things to discuss. Fun things. Plans for the future. Most notably, our next adults-only excursion.

The following day, following a 12 noon check-out, we had more than seven hours to entertain ourselves. We walked a mile in the cold Dallas sunshine to hang at a bookstore and then see a movie. We chose "It's Complicated" mostly because we both love Alec Baldwin and because there was not much else. The movie was hilarious. We laughed out loud--repeatedly. I'm not kidding. It is really funny. The point of this however, is that one specific quote from Meryl Streep's character (Jane) struck me. A hard-working divorcee with 3 children, she had not spent a lot of time enjoying herself for many years. While on a date with the character played by Steve Martin (Adam), Jane exclaims, "Fun is not overrated!!" This struck me because, although I am not a hard working divorcee with 3 children, Jason and I have not had quite enough time in the past 8 years to have fun. Don't get me wrong, we have some fun. The fact is, we haven't been dedicated to insisting that fun is part of our budget, calendar or daily agenda. We have, of course, made plenty of time for cleaning, working and making sure our kids have baths every other night. My counter tops are sanitized twice daily and the playroom is picked up every night. Laundry is folded and put away, my floor is generally crumb-free. The previously noted quote reminded me that fun is more important than all of this cleanliness and routine, and that it is time to schedule some. I do not have the luxury of spur of the moment fun, as I have 3 children. I do, however have the option to make fun more of a priority in my marriage and in the lives of my kids. Next adults-only trip: Vegas. Who's in?

Best Day Ever

As much as I intend to continue my honest accounts and candid discussions of parenting, I also have to remember that this is not only a place to connect with others on the hard stuff. As I continue my commitment to weekly blogging, I also want to celebrate the joy that parenting can bring and I want to do that from the perspective of my kids. We have a couple frequently used phrases in the DeWitt houseshold. One (and the most commonly used) is "less than ideal." For example:

Katie: Hey Jason, today when I was pulling into the garage, I sort of scratched the new mini-van.

Jason: Is it bad?

Katie: Well, it's less than ideal.

Today I am not talking about "less than ideal." In truth, I am talking about just the opposite. The phrase currently under discussion is another favorite: "Best Day Ever." Because young children are lucky enough to be without things like mortgage payments, insurance premiums, job stress and marital spats, they often experience unrelenting joy in relation to their daily activities. The best part is that to have the "Best Day Ever", kids do not need to go to Disney Land or Cedar Point. They don't need an enormous water park or the presence of a mountain of Christmas gifts. Here are some examples of times when I have, while watching my kids at the peak of their joy, exclaimed for them, "BEST DAY EVER!!!":

1. First time swimming in the summer.

2. School carnival (this happend for us this past weekend) or movie night.

3. Summer nights with a flashlight and jar to catch lightening bugs.

4. Baking and decorating Christmas cookies.

5. Going to Grandma's (or Nana's) house.

6. Having a picinic and play time in the park.

7. Going to a family friend's house to play.

8. HALLOWEEN

9. Birthday parties (yours or someone else's).

10. Valentine's Day, complete with cheap cards and candy.

11. A candle-lit dinner.

12. Days that include a disproportionate amount of dancing.

13. First snow of the season.

14. Watching a movie with popcorn and your mom and dad.

15. The last day of school.

16. Snow days!

17. A water balloon fight.

18. Learning (finally) to ride a 2-wheeler.

19. Pumpkin patch day.

20. Playing outside in the spring, all day long.

This past Saturday, Madda came into our room at 7:30, ready to start the day. When asked why she was up so early, she responded with the following, "I just can't wait for all the things I get to do today. I have the carnival, piano lessons and a babysitter!" I could really learn something from her about getting up and being ready to enjoy my daily activities. What is on your list for the best day ever? Truthfully, mine starts at Target.